Contrary

Whatever the prevailing sentiment, I can be pretty much guaranteed to feel the opposite. 

I am the epitome of contrary.

 

If the world insists that all jeans must be skinny, I will hunt down the last straight-legged pair in existence.  

If everyone agrees that sea swimming is the absolute best thing ever, I will stuff my wetsuit trousers into the back of the wardrobe until all the townies have worn their DryRobes to a frazzle and moved on to nude zip-lining or whatever.

Whatever the zeitgeist declares I must do, I scrunch up my face and say No! like a tantrummy toddler. I am not a trend setter, I am a Trend Opposer.

So when I discovered that Everyone on the Internet was denouncing the notion of New Year’s resolutions, I was delighted to be obliged to make a grand big list and announce them all publicly. 

So here goes:

Ahem.

1. Do some kind of creative writing course

2. Buy a campervan (and sell a car)

3. Spend the summer in West Cork – find a longterm let/holiday rental for 2-3 months that won’t cost a fortune

4. Change the open fire to gas 

5. Replace the busted flooring downstairs

6. Instal a perspex awning outside so I can have my breakfast in the rain

7. Do good gardening

8. Use the library and stop buying so many books 

These may not be as life-affirming as your standard influencer, and are entirely non-transferrable, but I’d be delighted to achieve even a few. And now that they are written down, I can tick them off! Yay!

My Biggest Fears

In no particular order...

Blood clots. Legs > lungs > brain (the more lethal, the less scary they are to me)

Making phone calls

Brown Thomas

Falling out of the attic

My children falling out of the attic

Power tools. Circular saw > chainsaw > hedgetrimmer

Fingers getting caught between two closing drawers

R A T S 

False accusations

Legitimate accusations

Twitter pile-ons

Hair getting sucked in to the back of the hairdryer

Hair straighteners

Hairdressers

Reversing uphill

Reversing uphill with someone watching

Driving in convoy 

A room full of well-dressed blonde women

Medical council complaints

Solicitor's letters

Letters from the income protection gestapo

High heels on soft grass

High heels

Cold ankles

Cold feet in bed

Ski lifts

Ski escalator thingies

Skis

The sharp bit on the sellotape dispenser

Knuckles/cheese grater

Airtastic

Being late

Gas boilers

Jumpstarting cars

Ticketmaster

......

That feels better. 

What's Going On

 I think about writing all the time. 

I think, what would I write?

I um....

I....

There doesn't seem to be any way to corral my thoughts into any cogent order. And for why, anyway? It seems unlikely that putting words down will make any difference to the kerfuffle. 

There is grief and anger and sadness and emptiness, alongside fear and worry and anxiety. Guilt and remorse are shouldering their way in, next to hope and wonderment and anticipation. 

Mundanity and sparks. 

Boredom and peace.

Emptiness and contentment. 

Who knows?