Done Done Done

Last chemo.

This time I actually made it to the pre-planned six cycles (though I only managed four each of the irinotecan and panitumimab). My body is getting less and less tolerant of the toxins. 

Or maybe it's my brain. The better you get, the harder it is to put up with side effects. Cancer is becoming a chronic disease, not a killer, and so the treatments will have to become more tolerable and less likely to kill you first. People don't tend to put up with life-threatening side effects from blood pressure tablets or diabetes medication. If I gave someone a pill for their indigestion and it made all their hair fall out, they would be pretty cross with me. So it is a tricky one for the oncologists - you'll be furious with them if they don't cure you, but also raging if they make you sicker on the way to getting better. 

I am waiting now for my body to drag itself up out of its pit of misery and start recuperating. I am looking forward to no longer frightening children with my crack-addict face. I am particularly keen to be rid of the pustular infections on my toes which make me hobble like an old witch. I'll be glad when the scabs in my nostrils heal. 

But mostly I'm looking forward to just feeling the same most days, instead of up and down, up and down, manic/tired/depressed/pitiful/okay/better. 

It's been quite hard work.