Dublin, London, Paris, New York.....Newcastle???

That last little bit of cancer needs to be fried, or melted, or poisoned, because it can't be cut out. 

To be honest, while I realise cutting out is the be-all and end-all when it comes to this kind of thing, I do find it is quite a nuisance when it comes to having a fully functioning body. It turns out that your body is pretty good at doing what it does, and when you start hacking pieces out of it, it doesn't react too well. Scar tissue, bowel shortage, liver regrowth - they all cause their own little bit of trouble. But, fair enough, quite a bit less trouble than flesh- and organ-eating cancer. All I'm saying is that a body diminished by surgery isn't as efficient as an intact one, in my experience. 

So the boyos cannot cut out this last bit, and that makes me just a little bit pleased. Only because they assure me that they can find another way to get rid of it. 

The options are stereotactic radiotherapy, electroporation, intra-arterial chemotherapy and possibly something else but I lost track a bit in the conversation at that point. 

What they didn't tell me is that the first one is also known as the Cyber-Knife, and the second one is the Nano-Knife. I don't know if the third one has a cool-sounding nickname, but since it won't have Knife in it, it would be hard to see how it could beat the other two. 

So, which is better? 

Cyber = techy, other-worldly, a bit mysterious

Nano = tiny, precise, possibly something to do with Mork and Mindy (or the Presentation Sisters. Either way, two impeccable pedigrees).

The other deciding factor is where I can get these done.

CyberKnife - fancy private hospitals in Dublin (which my insurance doesn't cover). Or Beaumont (not so fancy).

Intra-arterial chemo - New York or Paris (in Paris, they leave the pump hanging out of you, as a fashion accessory, obvs).

NanoKnife (my preferred option) - Newcastle. Upon Tyne like. Reet. Not exactly a top destination, but it does have that Brazilian knock-off statue thing. 

Of course, it's not really up to me (autonomy out the window again). My scans are being sent to Top Men all over the world (well, Newcastle mainly I think, because the chap there is the Toppest of Top Men) and they will do top-level chin-stroking, and get back to my own boyos who will let me know if it's Cyber, Nano or Pump. Another fun variation on the Rock/Paper/Scissors game. 

Now, where's my passport?