Extra Time

At about 11:30 in the morning yesterday, I suddenly experienced an overwhelming sense of contentment. I was still in my pyjamas, listening to Marian Keyes' Grown Ups on audiobook and emptying the washing machine for the second time. It was windy outside, but sunny, and my pathetic assemblage of potted plants were doing their best to look spring-like. The house was a mess as always, but I had nothing else to do for the day except to try and restore some order on the detritus. I had just to decided to get out my old sewing machine to "whip up" some costumes for World Book Day. I even decided to see World Book Day as a delightful opportunity for my children to express their creativity, rather than a pain-in-the-face chore that I could do without. I tried to assess why I suddenly felt so good. Then it came to me. 

Coronavirus. 

The first case on the island of Ireland had been announced a couple of days ago, and for some reason an overwhelming sense of relief had washed over me. I have been preparing for the next WiMIN conference for months, and it is happening in Belfast in three weeks' time. Or at least that's the plan. It might have to be cancelled, if there is a ban on mass gatherings, or if the speakers can't travel, or if we are all holed up in our houses eating tinned tuna and rubbing the last few mls of hand sanitiser onto our chests. And the realisation that all the organising in the world couldn't have prepared me for this was actually a sweet relief. 

It reminded me that I do all this WiMINing to avoid the ever-present sense of impending doom that accompanies stage 4 cancer. But now there is a real crisis! If you suffer from chronic anxiety there is nothing better than an I Told You So moment, an event that proves how right you are to be interminably terrified. And so the rough edges were smoothed, the clenched jaw relaxed, the shoulders lowered themselves from the ears. 

It was helped by the fact that yesterday was February 29th, that little bonus ephemeral almost non-existent day, a Narnia day, an International Date Line day, a coming-up-smiling-on-Tuesday day. A little oasis of calm in the desert of all-out world-wide apocalyptic carnage. 

It was lovely.