Gender

 “I am aghast and appalled at any people who decide that another group should not have their rights. We’re all each other’s people.” - Maya Angelou

I have only met a handful of trans people in real life. I have no great knowledge or insight into the intricacies of their lives, other than to know that any mention of transgender issues, or even using the word “gender” on social media, can spark a flood of contrary opinions and occasionally fairly savage vitriol. This is a touchy subject, which appears to be ironically very binary for those who voice an opinion on it - black or white, yes or no, sex or gender, women or men. 

I have spent quite some time trying to learn more, and read more, and open my heart to all the nuances. I have read about the issues with sports and prisons and toilets and changing rooms. I have read about the rates of self-harm and suicide and murder and hate crimes. I have watched Euphoria and been disgusted by my own instinctive need to know what Jules’s genitals look like, how she has sex, how can this be?

And I think I have figured out my core belief on this one. I cannot align myself to people who are filled with hatred. That’s pretty easy. I need karma on my side, and hatred and karma do not mix well. So what about the people who I otherwise admire, who are generally Good People, and who say that their concerns for trans people come from a place of love? They do not want to see children who may be confusing gender dysphoria with any other dysphoria being funnelled down a clinical pathway which results in them having potentially irreversible damaging surgery, or being counselled in the direction of gender reassignment to the detriment of their overall wellbeing in the long term. They also state that the society is “at the mercy” of men who choose to represent themselves as women, in order to gain access to protected spaces and inflict harm on women within. They voice concerns about the erosion of what it means to be a woman, and very much dislike the use of inclusive language such as “menstruators” or “people with a cervix”, stating that this reduces women to their anatomical body parts. 

So they are against bad medicine, unethical psychological therapy, violence against women, and the improper use of language. Me too. 

They are against inherent unfairness, or downright cheating, in competitive sports. Me too. 

They are against violent protests or threatening behaviour towards people who choose to publicly state their concerns on these matters.

Me too. 

What I do not agree with, however, is the dehumanising of people who are just trying to live their lives in contentment. Or the assumption that trans people are going through their life-changing personal journeys without serious consideration of the effect their choices will have on their future selves, or on those around them. And I simply cannot get on board with any kind of narrative that excludes a fundamentally disadvantaged community from accessing the health and social care they need. 

We know that trans people avoid doctors and healthcare settings, because of the difficult conversations that can arise. If you knew there was a chance that your doctor fundamentally disagreed with your core beliefs, even if they were “nice” about it, you would wait until you were really very sick before you would engage with their system. If you have spent a lifetime wary of physical violence, like most members of minority groups, you are going to find it hard to be sure when a situation is friendly or not. 

I am not, cannot, bring myself to be exclusionary. I am easily swayed by all sorts of arguments whose basic premise is “think of the children”, but I have not been convinced that denigrating and excluding a group of people is the right way to go about it. 

When the world has changed to a point where gender doesn’t matter, then it won’t matter what your genitals look like when you are born. But we are a long way off that, and in the meantime, I want to support people who are frequently unsupported, simply because of how they choose to live their lives.